By an eyewitness who still can’t believe what I saw
Folks, I went to the candidate fair hosted by the Central Oklahoma Republican Women expecting… well, candidates talking to voters. Silly me. What I got instead was a room full of 40 politicians circling each other like awkward high schoolers at a dance, with maybe 10-15 actual voters scattered around like lost extras in a bad community theater production.
It wasn’t a forum. It was a dog-and-pony show for the Oklahoma County political machine — lots of smiling, back-slapping, and pleasantries so scripted they could’ve been written by a committee that meets every other Tuesday to practice nodding approvingly.
Then things got good.
Ferlin Kearns, the challenger to incumbent Assessor Larry Stein, decided to kick things off by going negative. He called Larry a “social butterfly,” accused him of wasting taxpayer money, and warned that the guy just wants to jack up our property taxes so he can line his own pockets. Bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off.
Twenty minutes later, Larry Stein grabbed the mic and went straight for the jugular in what can only be described as a certified mic-drop moment. He called Ferlin out using public records available on OSCN — most notably questioning how someone running to collect property taxes has had issues paying his own.
Ferlin was not happy. He started hooting, hollering, and yelling. Larry yelled back (something I’ve genuinely never seen from the guy). And then — because why not go full Maury Povich — one of the ladies from the Central Oklahoma Republican Women (you know the one) jumped right between the two grown men like a referee at a WWE match and started screaming her head off to break it up.
It was a scene straight out of a movie titled Oklahoma County: Where Adults Act Like Toddlers Over Property Taxes.
And that, dear readers, is your local GOP “candidate fair” in a nutshell.
But wait, the saga doesn’t end there. On the same day, county officials casually announced they “found” $14 million thanks to a hilarious accounting error. You know, just sitting there like that $20 bill you forgot in your winter coat. Great news, right?
Wrong. Apparently we can’t touch it unless we reopen the budget, and reopening the budget is treated like some kind of ancient forbidden ritual. “We’ve never done that before!” cry the pearl-clutchers. And if we do it now, how will we fund next year’s budget?
Who cares about next year? We’ve got problems this year. The same people who’ve been running the show for two decades can’t seem to solve them, but heaven forbid we use surprise found money to actually fix something today. Let the next batch of fresh faces (hopefully with a real strategic plan) worry about the future while we keep kicking the can down the road like it’s an Olympic sport.
This is Oklahoma County politics in 2026: petty personal drama between guys who already know each other too well, zero real voters in the room, and $14 million playing hide-and-seek in the books while everyone argues about process instead of progress.
If this is the “machine” at work, it’s less well-oiled and more well-rusted. Time for some actual accountability, some actual voters, and maybe — just maybe — some grown-up behavior.
Until then, I’ll be over here refreshing OSCN for the next episode. At least the public records are entertaining.
What a circus.
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